Man says to wife ´I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing´.
My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his patients, it´s a real shame ´cause he´s a really good vet.
Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading ´For sale clitoris licking frog´ She goes in and the shopkeeper say´s ´Bonjour madame´.
Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much, it scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I´m never reading again.
Little girl gets lost in Tesco´s, security guard asks her ´What´s your mum like?´ Little girl replies ´Big cocks and vodka´.
A couple in a cafe in Llangollen asks ´Can you settle an argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?´ The waitress leaned over and said …….. ´Burrr gurrr king´.
Boss has to lay off either Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say´s ´I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off…..´You better jack off, I´ve got a headache´.
It´s important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she´s 97 and we don´t know where the hell she is!
Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel…. They say it´s only for the Christmas period.
A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her pussy. Doc say´s ´that looks nasty´. She say´s ´Nasty?, it´s just the tip of the iceberg!
Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the receptionist asks ´do you have reservations?´ The bride answers ´Yes, I won´t take it up the arse´!
