Wellsy's World

Archive for February, 2006

That´s right boys! Elisha Cuthbert, who if you didn´t know is the fitty from 24 and The Girl Next Door, does a little bit of lap dancing in the latest Weezer video (it’s the one called ‘Perfect Situation’).
 
Apparently there was this rumor going round that she was the original lead singer of Weezer and they were called Weeze. It´s not true but the director made it into a video anyway.
 

Who cares? She´s fit. Anyway, back to watching 24…

Someone sent me this to shove on the site. If you don´t want to get in trouble, don´t watch it:

• If you´re at work


• If your parents/children/easily offended people are around


• If you´re easily offended (what the hell are you reading this site for?)


• You´ve got small-penis-phobia (don´t ask…)

Then again, I watched it at work…
 
Oh yeah, the video

Ha ha! The truth is finally out! Wimming explained….
 
And before all the women out there email me complaining about how I´m a typical, insensitive male pig:

• I know already


• It was sent to me by two wimmings, Sarah and Sarah (they´re not related, just have the same name)


• I don´t care

Toodles

Couple a months ago we had the list of rules we wish women knew. Well just in case, here´s the things all blokes should know. I like 27…

 
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at the footy, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it is permissible.
 
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss´ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

e. When she is using her teeth.
 
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
 
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
 
05: If you´ve known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
 
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate´s fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
 

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate´s birthday is strictly optional.
 
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
 
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who´s playing.
 
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she´s officially your girlfriend.
 
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink (aka Bitch Piss) only when you´re sunning on a tropical beach… and it´s delivered by a topless supermodel… and it´s free.

 
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
 
13: Unless you´re in prison, never fight naked.
 
14: Friends don´t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
 
15: If a man´s fly is down, that´s his problem, you didn´t see anything.

 
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
 
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
 
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that´s just greedy.
 
19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you´d better be talking about his choice of beer.

 
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours except if she´s withholding sex pending your response.
 
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C´mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
 
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
 
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
 
 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have had drunken s*x, the fact that you´re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

 
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
 
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
 
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you´d know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
 

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men´s Gymnastics.

Hello by the way!

I love this joke though that might say something about my sense of humour!!
 

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea – one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I´m bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn´t have any worries about being eaten"

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn´t realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can´t believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back, so lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail – it´s much worse).

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where´s Christian?" he asked.

"He´s at home distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian´s house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It´s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied "No way man, you´ll eat me. You´re a shark, the enemy and I´ll not be tricked."

Justin cried back "No, I´m not. That was the old me. I´ve changed. I´ve found Cod, I´m a prawn again Christian."

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with very low intellect read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
 
Don?t bother taking it off now. it?s too late.

Check it out:
 
http://trunks.secondfoundation.org/files/psychic.swf
 
See if you can figure it out.