Wellsy's World

Archive for April, 2006

I´m convinced of it now cos some of them have started giving me strange looks like when you see a puppy on a wet kitchen floor and it can´t stand up on it´s own. There is a couple of reasons for this though.

When I get the bus in the morning it´s really early so when I ask for a ticket I´m still half asleep so mumble at them. And that´s when I´m not so nackered that I ask for a ticket to somewhere the bus doesn´t even go to. Plus there´s the mornings that I can´t walk cos I´m still a wee bit drunk.

Then there´s the way back. I already have my ticket so I don´t need to talk to the driver. Except that I´m polite so when I get off I say "cheers". Or I would do if I didn´t have my iPod on really loud. I can´t really hear myself so half the time I mumble some jibberish at them and the other times I just shout at them with a pleasant grim on my chops.

Oh well, at least they´re nice to me!

Here´s one for you football fans out there:

• Birmingham – Pamela Anderson:
  Used to look good in the cups but now a declining force. Plus millions of people watched them get a good seeing to.
• Wigan – Davina McCall:
  Poor attendances confirm they´ve been promoted above their ability.
• Portsmouth – Girls Aloud:
  Only one real class act among the hastily assembled line-up. You shouldn´t like them but admit it, you´ve sneaked the occasional admiring glance.
• Spurs – Keira Knightley:
  Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive English spine. And proof that two little ones up front needn´t be an drawback.
• Everton – Dannii Minogue:
  The poor relation to the more glamorous sibling. Can anyone remember when it was they were supposed to be any good?
• Fulham – Charlotte Church:
  Proof that money can´t buy you class. But could look more attractive if the Welsh bloke was given the elbow.
• Arsenal – Jordan:
  Were more likeable when they weren´t packed out with expensive foreign implants.
• Newcastle – Jodie Marsh:
  Impressive front two but embarrassing at the back. Had surgery but need a lot more work to compete at a higher level.
• Aston Villa – Dido:

  Bland, boring and still trading off the one big hit they had years ago.

• Liverpool – Sophie Ellis-Bextor:
  Individually all the components look great but stick them together and it just doesn´t work.
• Chelsea – Rachel Stevens:
  You´d rather just watch them than listen to all that painful whining.
• Bolton – Clare Balding:
  You wouldn´t. Not even if they were the last team on earth
• Manchester United – Catherine Zeta Jones:
  Used to look great until they were shafted by an old fat American

After the picture went missing I finally managed to track it down.
 
Ta da!

I´ve started catching the bus to work from outside the Hart so I can get a seat before all the college scrotes get on. Still normally have to share a seat with someone though. This morning it was a quite attractive young lady.
 
So I did what any bloke would do to act cool. I got to the funny bit in my book and blew a massive snot bubble.

 
Such is life….