Wellsy's World

Archive for July, 2007

I hate Sundays when there’s nothing to do… I would just go down the pub and get recked but Top Gear is on later and I really want to watch it. In the mean time I’m trying to kill time googling random things and seeing where I end up! Man, life is dull….

I did find an idea to relieve the boredom a bit, just not sure how much trouble I would get it. What you do is this:

• Pick a random name and Google their CV, e.g. “Dave Smith CV”
• Do some research on them to find out about them (FaceBook, Forums, Blogs etc)
• Email them (address on CV of course) pretending to be an old work colleague who got fired for secretly stalking them until the company found out

Good thing is you can find out about their personal life from FaceBook and drop in bits to confuse them and you can find out about their work history from their CV. Easy!

Other ideas included:

• trying not to think about penguins.
• pick a random word from a magazine and repeat it until it looses all meaning
• go through the neighbours bins

Ah well… If there’s any normal people out there who read this, can you email me and let me know how you pass the time!

Dammit! It’s really hard having being easily influenced sometimes. The latest one? FaceBook.

Can’t even remember why I signed up but it’s slowly taking over my life!! And here’s the proof – it’s 7pm on a Friday night, and am I in the pub drunk like most Fridays? No – I’m looking for people I know to make friends with.

Somebody facking help me!

What’s my number? I am a three digit number. My tens digit is five more than my ones digit. My hundreds digit is eight less than my tens digit. What number am I?

Answers on a self addressed postcard to….. Ah, sod it

Arrgghhh! I hate Fridays when I can’t be arsed to work. It just drags and drags….

I’ve tried actually working, playing games on my laptop, browsing the internet, everything! Time for something drastic. Maybe I could:

• Walk to Asda and buy a Pot Noodle
• Sit outside and see how many fags I can smoke before I feel sick
• Wander into town and start getting drunk early
• Find out what this email is that just came in saying “You have received a Irish Car Bomb from Sarah Ivins.”

Think I’ll do the last one and then go buy a pot noodle if I survive…

BORED!!

Here’s the bad news – the Cortina is gone. If you were as addicted to Life on Mars as me, you can find out more about the sequel – Ashes to Ashes (it is another Bowie song) on the BBC News site

I don’t know if you’ve already seen the film or not yet, but even if you have, it’s worth watching this one anyway.

Moved the link. I’ve put a few YouTube Videos up. Watch them all!

I’m not even going to mention that it’s the middle of July, has rained every day so far this month and is cold enough to need a coat for work every day… we need to do something about global warming!

My latest crrrrrazy idea is that we can help to stop global warming by not mowing the lawn any more! Stick with me here – it gets scientific. Apparently the reason we are all going to drown in icebergs is because there’s too much carbon dioxide in the air and we need to reduce the amount we all produce by walking the fifteen miles to work every day.

Alternatively we can reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the air by having more plants since it’s what they eat. If you don’t mow the lawn that means you’ve got bigger grass which eats more carbon dioxide and saves the world! Genius.

My other ideas are:

• Stop farting – also helps with the smoking ban
• Stop beathing out – helps with road congestion by significantly reducing the population
• Go back to living in caves and hunting deer – reduces litter
• Just move to another planet when this one is broken – increases tourism somehow

There you go – if anyone from the government is reading this, give me a call – I can fix all your problems just like that!

If you don’t want to listen to me ranting, just skip down to the loke

It’s not exactly suprising that the government has fucked it up again but it’s got to be said that the smoking ban doesn’t work. The whole point is to get nice clean air in public places like… pubs.

The only problem is that most pubs are at least half filled with blokes and as it’s constantly pointed out to us, blokes fart. This never used to be a problem cos everyone around him would just light up and the problem just goes away. Not any more. Now everyone has to go outside – including the non smokers. Great.

So whats next, ban farting? Ban onions (I don’t like the smell)? Alternatively they could fuck off with their interfering and just let us live our lives.

Anyway, enough ranting. Just a bit wound up cos there’s nothing on but Nicoret adverts and a certain special someone is constantly annoying me by text message.

Joke Time
A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking centipede. The shopkeeper puts it in a matchbox and he takes it home. Later that night he opens the box and says to the centipede

I’m nipping down the pub. Do you want to come?

The centipede looks at him but says nothing. He closes the matchbox and goes for a shower before going out. Half an hour later he open the matchbox again and says

I’m just going out for a pint. Do you want to come?

Again the centipede looks at him but says nothing. He decides to wait another half an hour and then tries again

Look, I’m heading out now. Do you want to come or not?

The centipede looks at him and says

I heard you the first time. I’m putting my fucking shoes on